The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
