Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
