His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
