I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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