I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
