What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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