Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
