Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
