I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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