I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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