so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
