You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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