Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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