ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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