I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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