I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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