My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
