I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
