Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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