ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
