Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
