I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
