I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
