I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
