the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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