thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
