I haven't been this sober since birth.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
