My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
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