you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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