You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
