She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
