It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
