All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
