We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The air was thick with penises
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize