I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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