god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
