no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
