Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
