dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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