He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
