She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I am available for nakedness
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
