get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
