if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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