Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
