Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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