I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My vagina is officially offended.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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