Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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