You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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