Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
