So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
