Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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