I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
