i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
