Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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