Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
