the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
