I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I think I died a long time ago.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
