I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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