toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
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I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
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Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
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