i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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