She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
