is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Sober January is a disaster.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
