nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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