i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
