She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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