ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
