If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
