If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
