My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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