I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
