Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
