; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
