I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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