How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
