I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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