I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
