i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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