My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
