Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
