You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
