let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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