Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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