my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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